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At Last A Marketing Email I Actually Enjoyed

emailUsually when I highlight an email I have received I do so to show how utterly awful it actually is.

But today I want to share one I actually liked.

The subject line was this:

“Welcome to the 720 Club!”

Why I liked it:

As an email subject line this works and it works well.

It is short (just five words) so the message can be digested quickly and it is intriguing enough for me to want to open the email and find out more.

As soon as I saw it I was asking myself one question:

What on earth is the 720 Club?

So the subject line worked as it was supposed to and I opened the email.

Full marks so far.

The email then started like this:

“Hi Patrick

“As a valued subscriber I wanted to be the first
to welcome you to the 7.20 Club!

“You are actually one of only 7.20% of the
people subscribed to this list who will ever
see this message!”

The opening sentence refers directly back to the subject line which made me open in the first place and the next sentence develops upon the idea.

This is a good way to keep the reader’s attention which was grabbed with the subject line as it follows a natural flow.

Note that the marketer in question has not tried to sell me anything yet but already I want to read on.

The sales message came next:

“Now you are positioned to be a part of a VERY
exclusive group…


“The creators of this have stumbled on a unique
opportunity and put it into this FREE home
business franchise…[link was here]“

Again I like the way the message is delivered. Short and to the point. Even the shouty capitals worked.

Admittedly I am a little dubious when anyone says they have stumbled upon a system which is guaranteed to make money but this email is enough to make me want to click on the link to the sales page.

Then the next part of the email contained a little more selling and went on to make a series of predictions.

This is what was predicted:

“86.8% of the people who read this email will
click on the link and go to the site.

“42.3% of them like what they hear and fill out
the form…

“75.5% of the people who join [will] MISS
the message by not seeing it
through to the end…

“98.4% of the people who listen to the
entire message [will] see how simple this is
…and 100% of them Make Money!”

Now I am not sure whether the figures are accurate or not. An 86.8 per cent click-through rate strikes me as rather high – even for an email as well written as this one.

However the point is that it was well written and the marketer got me to do exactly what he intended with the email.

Well not quite what he intended.

I am afraid I ended up in the 75.5% of the 42.3% of the 86.8% of the people who didn’t see the sales message through to the end.

And here’s why.

The sales page had one of those open-ended sales videos where there is no indication of how much time you have to invest to hear the message and I very rarely watch such videos.

As for the email, while I have no idea whether the statistics were based on fact or plucked from thin air, I can say it is one of the best I have seen. Top marks.

6 Responses to At Last A Marketing Email I Actually Enjoyed

  1. Catherine White
    February 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    When writing an email, I think it is important to quickly tie in your subject line to the body of the email.
    I have gotten email where the subject line had nothing to do with the email at all…. these are misleading and disappointing.
    It takes more than a quick “GRAB YA” subject line to keep the reader engaged.
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  2. Andrew Stark
    February 16, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Hi Patrick

    A but spammy for me, but as you say it does have the bare bones of a good email. I think the stats part is a direct steal from amazon, and the numbers will be made up.

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  3. paul February 16, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    are you certain this wasn’t a spam message?I admit though. the letter is well structured and it delivers its message quite effectively.
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  4. Patrick Griffin
    February 16, 2012 at 11:34 pm #

    Making the subject line ‘agree’ with the main body of the email is a must for email writing.

    I am sure the numbers are made up – I think this is the main area where the email fails for me but, overall, I still like it.

    It was not a spam message.
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  5. Sergio Felix
    February 17, 2012 at 5:11 am #

    Hey Patrick,

    I just love to read your descriptions on the e-mails you get, I think you’re becoming a PRO at that!

    On the other hand, you don’t have an idea of how much I can’t stand watching those videos without flow controls.

    I’m not 100% sure on this, but I think that CB recently changed their policies regarding non-stop videos for sales pages.

    I don’t think they still allow them.

    Sometimes I’m genuinely interested in buying something I have already seen and knowing in advance that I have to wait for a while until I reach the end of the video is a big turn off.

    At least most of the marketers are slowly switching this strategy.

    The change I have seen is that they now make the ‘buy button’ instantly appear about in the middle of the video or something similar.

    I guess that’s an improvement.

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    • Patrick Griffin
      February 17, 2012 at 6:53 am #

      Hey Sergio,
      I totally agree with you about the videos being very annoying indeed and I think I also read that clickbank had changed their policy regarding them.
      It certainly puts me in the wrong frame of mind when I come across these videos…even if I like the product very often I don’t hang around for the end of the video.
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