It is 3.21am, I am up late because I am waiting for a live webinar to start and I have just opened an email which has made me angry.
First the headline caught my attention. It has done exactly what a headline is supposed to do – grabbed my attention so that I stop what I was doing and actually opened the email.
This is the headline I am talking about:
“Congratulations, your monthly guaranteed check!”
Now I like this headline because it serves the primary purpose of an email headline (also called email subject line) – it gets the email open. I am interested enough to know what I have to do to get the monthly guaranteed check so I am happy to proceed. At this point I am not even slightly angry. I am curious and interested and that is exactly how you want people to be when they open your emails.
But I get angry as soon as I have finished reading the first two sentences of the actual email. Here is what I mean
“Congratulations! Please acknowledge your check……
First of all, I’d like to congratulate you for
opening this email, because your US$3,900 check is waiting
for you to claim it…”
My US$3,900 check is waiting for me to claim it? Really? Great! Then just send it over to me and I will put it in the bank.
This surely cannot be true? The person who sent this email has my email address but does not appear to have my name so how could they have a $3,900 check just waiting for me to claim?
I read the rest of the email but this question is never addressed, neither does the sender explain how the bizarre $3,900 sum is arrived at and in fact, there are no further references to this check or what I need to do to claim it.
What I am ensouraged to do, however, is sign up for a “new autopilot internet wealth system” which I can be the first to know about.
Being the first to know about this is great because it will allow me to “be right on top and reap MASSIVE DAILY PROFITS.”
I assume these massive daily profits come in addition to the $3,900 check which is already waiting for me – it really must be my lucky day.
Now because I have seen marketing spew like this before I already know what is going to happen next. I will either have to “act fast,” “act now,” “get in quick,” or “hurry because the doors are already closing” or else I will surely “miss out forever.”
So back to the email to see which one it is going to be:
“I hope you take action fast, because I’ve already started
pre-launch promotion activities. So grab your free spot
first at [URL deleted].
“You will not fail in this program because we do all
the advertising for you!”
Hang on a moment? A moment ago I was going to be the first to know about this new money making opportunity but now it looks like if I fail to act I will be one of the last to know because the pre-launch promotion is already underway.
And how can anyone state with total certainty that they have a program where the end user “will not fail” and state as a fact that they will “do all the advertising for you.”
I will say it again. The claims being made in this email simply cannot be true and are clearly dishonest.
Guaranteed check…already waiting for me…massive daily profits…a system that cannot fail…all my advertising done for me.
And how do I know it is not true? Well, for one, because the website the email directs me to tells me so.
Right at the end, way past the cool video, pretty graphics, smiling faces, compelling sales copy, enticing opt in form and income calculator comes the following couple of lines of text:
“Earnings vary depending on each individual affiliate’s effort. Testimonials do not indicate an average or typical amount. As with any business, success with [program name] takes hard work, commitment, leadership, and desire.”
So all the advertising is clearly not done for me. I certainly can fail with this program and my earnings will depend on my effort, hard work, commitment, leadership and desire.
All in all I think I will have a pretty long wait before I see that $3,900 check which is supposedly already waiting for me.
Am I being unreasonable here? Does anyone else think the above is anything other than marketing spew?