Very often you don’t even have to open a marketer’s email to know it will be an over-hyped promo for some lame-duck product which is destined to go nowhere fast.
And today is one of those days.
But because I have a blog post to write, I opened it anyway.
The subject line told me all I needed to know:
“Watch The 9 Step Wealth System….You Won’t Sleep Tonight!”
I guess I was supposed to be so excited by these nine steps to wealth that I would be up all night working out what I would be doing with all the cash that was about to come my way.
The email was long, confusing and full of exclamation marks and random capital letters.
“So, WHAT IS ALL THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT?,” it shouted at me.
And before I even had time to draw breath I had my answer: “The World’s First PERFECT PIF System,” whatever one of those is.
No, sorry. Not a clue, maybe the next sentence will help:
“The THIRD Income Stream……The New 9-Step $10 entry program Launching in
……..A FEW DAYS!!!”
Ah a third income stream. But don’t we need a first and a second income stream before we get onto the third one, or am I applying too much logic to the whole process?
“(It’s a Special PIF Feature where EVERYONE CAN GET IN
FOR…..FREE!!!…..A TRUE People-Helping-People Concept)”
I am still none the wiser at what a special PIF Feature is but I suspect it is related to the perfect PIF system from the earlier paragraph.
And why is this sentence in brackets with half the words in capitals? All very confusing. Maybe I won’t get to sleep tonight after all if I spend any more time trying to work this one out.
So I just skim-read the rest of the email.
Here are the bits I remembered: “Register immediately…attend a FULL PRESENTATION…world first…wait until you see…potential £29,225+ from EACH POSITION…watch the video…nine steps…Zero cost…DO NOT MISS this one!…Get in The LOOP…Be Prepared to be BLOWN away.”
I don’t know about not sleeping but if I read any more of this nonsense I will almost certainly have nightmares.
Close email. Hit delete.