Very often you don’t even have to open a marketer’s email to know it will be an over-hyped promo for some lame-duck product which is destined to go nowhere fast.
And today is one of those days.
But because I have a blog post to write, I opened it anyway.
The subject line told me all I needed to know:
“Watch The 9 Step Wealth System….You Won’t Sleep Tonight!”
I guess I was supposed to be so excited by these nine steps to wealth that I would be up all night working out what I would be doing with all the cash that was about to come my way.
The email was long, confusing and full of exclamation marks and random capital letters.
“So, WHAT IS ALL THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT?,” it shouted at me.
And before I even had time to draw breath I had my answer: “The World’s First PERFECT PIF System,” whatever one of those is.
No, sorry. Not a clue, maybe the next sentence will help:
“The THIRD Income Stream……The New 9-Step $10 entry program Launching in
……..A FEW DAYS!!!”
Ah a third income stream. But don’t we need a first and a second income stream before we get onto the third one, or am I applying too much logic to the whole process?
“(It’s a Special PIF Feature where EVERYONE CAN GET IN
FOR…..FREE!!!…..A TRUE People-Helping-People Concept)”
I am still none the wiser at what a special PIF Feature is but I suspect it is related to the perfect PIF system from the earlier paragraph.
And why is this sentence in brackets with half the words in capitals? All very confusing. Maybe I won’t get to sleep tonight after all if I spend any more time trying to work this one out.
So I just skim-read the rest of the email.
Here are the bits I remembered: “Register immediately…attend a FULL PRESENTATION…world first…wait until you see…potential £29,225+ from EACH POSITION…watch the video…nine steps…Zero cost…DO NOT MISS this one!…Get in The LOOP…Be Prepared to be BLOWN away.”
I don’t know about not sleeping but if I read any more of this nonsense I will almost certainly have nightmares.
Close email. Hit delete.
Hi Patrick it’s too bad that there are so many of these crack pot programs going around. And the sad thing is that people will jump on them with their slot-machine- marketing, frame of minds. I see it as a form of gambling. I had the problem for years and lost allot of money. I guess you don’t see the light until your money is all gone. My money was just about all gone last summer. I cashed in some cheap life insurance worth about 2000.00. I was very grateful for it, but needed to start working on something realistic like Click Track Profit. Mom was still alive back then. I sure miss her. But I am going to have a bright future! Barb
Barbara DelGiudice thinks you may like this post too..Spotlight on the Federal Trade Commission
Twitter: chattopatrick
Good points Barbara.
I highlight these emails because many people who are new to marketing do as you mention and jump from one program to another.
They don’t see that it is the programs they choose which are at fault and actually think that they are the ones who are “doing it wrong.”
P.
Patrick Griffin thinks you may like this post too..Words designed to impress (i)
Hello Patrick,
I would like to say marketers know better than to write an email like the one you described, but unfortunately they don’t.
I learned a lot in my English classes and it can be helpful when you are promoting with email.
Short, sweet, and to the point is the better way I think.
Thank you for the post.
Twitter: chattopatrick
Marketers like breaking rules.
Breaking grammar rules can actually be surprisingly effective.
However if any email tells me that they have come up with the “world’s first perfect system to do ‘x’,” then that is all I need to know to walk away.
P.
Patrick Griffin thinks you may like this post too..Words designed to impress (i)
Twitter: andrewstark
Hi Patrick,
Just had a brainwave, perhaps PIF = Pay It Forward? I think this means that someone actually pays extra to the “company” to sponsor someone into something they know nothing about, but as we’re playing slot machines it’s all just guess work anyway.
The only good thing about emails this bad is that it makes it easier for good people to shine, by writing clear emails promoting real products.
Andrew
Andrew Stark thinks you may like this post too..You Are Fired…
Twitter: chattopatrick
HI Andrew.
You may well be right about Pay It Forward.
I certainly had no clue and there was nothing in the rest of the email that made me even slightly curious as to want to find out.
P.
Patrick Griffin thinks you may like this post too..Words designed to impress (i)
I’m getting allot of those too patrick. Containing tips that “Will make me reach” and so on. It’s drag reading emails like that so whenever I see one on my list, my first step is to spamdex it then hit delete!
Twitter: chattopatrick
June 15, 2012 at 5:18 am
That is exactly the right action. Hopefully if more people do it then these marketers will get the message.
Patrick Griffin thinks you may like this post too..Words designed to impress (ii)
Comments on this entry are closed.